So How Cool is THIS???

I have to say that I'm enjoying my internal medicine rotation so far. I'm a complete idiot, but overall it's a lot of fun.

Last week was kind of crazy... Here are the highlights:

1. Had to present a new patient to the attending. I said the patient had heart problems and the attending asked me what his heart problems were. I said COPD and all the residents laughed at me as they realized I'm an idiot. I meant CHF, I guess. Or something like that.

2. Got to run along with the residents to a code. Notice I said "run along" as there was no way I could actually assist in any way (but I think I could manage chest compressions if my services were so needed). I found that running is difficult in dress clothes, and I'm horribly out of shape. I got a little scared as I was running in the herd of physicians/students down the stairs that I might fall and take out one of the physicians who may actually be able to save the coding person. At least it was exciting.

3. Spent quite a large amount of time in the urine lab in the basement of the hospital. Seriously, there is a room set aside for urine. One day we wedged about 8 people in the tiny urine room and I was pressed against a corner. I leaned my head back and realized that I could easily fall asleep standing up at that moment. Surrounded by pee. Listening to the hum of a centrifuge spinning urine. Pressing my head against a wall that had probably been splattered by pee at one time or another. Sweet.

I'd better get back to studying. I'll try to do another post soon!

I Opened My Score Report to See...

PASS

And my score was higher than I could have ever imagined considering how I felt the day of the boards. I'm ecstatic. Now... Off to bed so I can get up at 5am!

The Boards

I'm sitting in the hospital right now typing this entry from my palm pilot. Please forgive the briefness of this post, but it is hard to type quickly on this thing.

It's been a long day... felt light headed during a kidney biopsy and had to walk out. I guess if you're going to pass out, do it in front of half a dozen doctors who can stich your forehead back together after you regain consiousness...

Tonight the board scores will be posted at midnight. I am incredibly concerne... But the good news is that it's now 10:00, so call is over and I get to go home! Nothing like sixteen hour days to make you appreciate sleeping.

It's an 8 Out of 10 and Hurts Most When I Bend Over..

Hmmm... Third year. What can I say?

Basically, I have found out this week that I am even a bigger dumbass than I thought. Yes, unbelievable, I know. But there you have it.

Fortunately, I have three other somewhat clueless (but not quite at my dumbass level) third year medical students on my team. I should have known we were in trouble on the first day when we paged our chief resident and wandered down to the MICU to meet our team. First of all, we paged the resident wrong and he called someone named "Kim" while we sat around waiting for the hospital phone to ring. Sorry Kim, whoever you are out there.

But we finally found our team after asking random people how to locate the MICU, and awkwardly introduced ourselves to the residents, fellow and attending. So then we were standing there looking at each other and some woman doctor yells at us, "Hey! Are you guys Med V?"

We looked at her wide-eyed and nodded.

So she said, "Your team just left you!" And sure enough, they had. We jumped into gear and scrambled down the hall. I guess in the real world of medicine, nobody waits around for the clueless people.

The physicians took us to the dialysis unit, and we went into a small conference room with a lot of windows. I suddenly noticed that the sky was getting really threatening, but the residents were explaining our roles on the team so I just sat and listened. Then we heard a "code gray" over the loudspeaker. We all flipped our nametags over to see that code gray meant "tornado warning". Great!

The residents were sitting against the window sills. They didn't seem to concerned, so I tried not to think about tornadoes. But the sky was BLACK and the rain was falling sideways, so I was a little worried. But in my hyper stressed state over starting third year, part of me welcomed a distraction.

Then they announced a "Code gray phase II" which resulted in patients being removed from their rooms. Seriously, beds were rolled out into the hallway. Of course, I did not actually see this because I was in the little conference room with a wall of windows. I was watching for the tornado that was sure to kill me. Because if I learned nothing from the first season of Gray's Anatomy (I couldn't handle more than the first season), disasters are attracted to hospitals. A tornado was an appropriate way to start my clinical clerkship.

But then reality kicked in and the tornado did not kill us all.

So here is what I have learned in my first two full days of my first rotation:
1. I'm a dumbass. Wash. Repeat. Again and again.
2. I know nothing about the kidney. But I already knew that. Unfortunately, now everyone on my team knows that. They kind of stopped pimping me because I think it bored them that I am completely clueless.
3. Catching a patient right after their bath is a better time to examine them than waking them up. Waking up patients sucks. They don't like it.
4. I hurt in places I can't even believe. My lower back is killing me. Ugh.
5. Even in the face of disaster I can still find things incredibly funny. The other students on my team and I laugh a lot (at appropriate times) about the insanity of the entire thing.

So I'm off to read. If I'm not scurrying around the hospital, I'm reading. That is all. But I took a few moments to blog for you. Aren't you impressed?

New Plan

I'm going to lose about thirty pounds and look super hot. That's how I'll survive medical school. After all, how do you think Meredith Grey did it?

And in this f'ed up society, I think people really are nicer to prettier people. And bitches for some reason.

I'm already a bitch... The floor zamboni guy just drove through and I didn't even try to get out of his way. He had to go around me as I'm sitting on the floor typing this blog.

Kill me. Please.

A Bad Moment

At this moment I am truly questioning my decision to become a physician.

I was so worried last night about starting third year that I only got about two hours of sleep. I just couldn't fall asleep.

Then I got up and tried to find something to wear. Guess what - all of my shirts are too small! Guess why - I'm too fat! So I crammed myself into a shirt and figured my white coat would cover my sins and headed off to school. I got to school and realized that nobody was wearing their white coat. Goody.

So then there was the whole financial aid fiasco. Nobody has any money. It wouldn't be so bad if the school hadn't allowed us to borrow any money for the month of June. Seriously. We got money for May, then had to scrimp through June until we would get money for July. So everyone was already struggling - June was used for board studying, so nobody was able to get a job to cover their expenses. Not getting money for July rent was a nightmare for most of us.

Finally, this afternoon I figured out how to sign my promissory note online and was astounded to see that I am borrowing $56,020.00 this year . Yes, that is for one year at a public institution. But even with all of that money, I'm always having trouble with my bills. I haven't paid my electric since May.

Then, after going horseback riding (which was nice) I decided to sit on my couch and do some reading about the kidney before starting my nephrology rotation tomorrow morning. As I was just getting settled in, my phone rang and it was a Columbus number I didn't recognize. Being a moron, I answered my phone and immediately knew I was in trouble. It was Ohio State, my undergrad school calling to ask me for money.

But they never ask for money right off the bat. First, they try to talk to me and make me feel good. Ugh. I was in such a bad mood I knew it was going to be a bad moment for me and I was probably going to be unkind to the Ohio State kid.

First he asked me what I had done with my Biology degree.

I said I was in medical school.

He wanted to know where, so I told him Toledo.

Then he said, "So you're living your dream!" And because I'm in a crummy mood I wanted to kick him in the b@lls through the phone. Yeah... Reading about the kidney is my dream you big dork. Right now medicine is not a dream. It's making me crazy and angry.

So I muttered something and then he asked me when the last time was that I had made it back to Ohio State's campus. And I seriously said, "I'd be there right now if they'd accepted me into their medical school."

Okay, so I admit I'm a big jerk. This kid was just doing his job. I had to be angry and rude. What kind of monster is medical school turning me into?

At this point I was getting really annoyed and stopped listening to whatever he was saying. My chest felt tight as the anger overpowered me and I finally said, "I don't have any money. I know that's what you're calling to ask about, and you need to call me in a few years when I actually have money."

And he said, "How about a $60 donation to help students have the opportunity to go to Ohio State?" The $56,020.00 that I would have to pay back one day (with interest) swam around in my head as he blabbed on.

And I said, "Ohio State gave me nothing when I went to school there, so I don't feel super compelled to donate money right now when I am still in school."

He kept freaking talking so I finally said, "I have reading to do... Thank you," and hung up.

The most annoying thing of all of this is that they call me at least a couple of times a year to ask for money. And how did they get my cell phone number? My MOM gave it to them one time when a guy called and she thought he sounded cute. Yeah, thanks mom, I really want a date with the guy who calls the alumni and asks for money. Ugh. I just need to go to bed and pretend like everything is going great.

I Have a Pager, and I'm Not a Drug Dealer...

So orientation started this morning. I called to schedule my stupid physical this morning and the physicians weren't in during lunch so I had to go during the middle of a presentation. I don't think I missed much. And the physical was a joke. Apparently they asked one of my friends if she "knew about safe sex". Umm..... Doesn't everyone KNOW about safe sex? And what kind of medical student doesn't know about it? Really.

Then I got a pager. It's like 1995 all over again. I'm just fatter this time. And my pager sucks balls. If you push on the top of it, some of the numbers disappear.

Then the student life people came and asked us to raise our hands if we hadn't received our loans yet. Seriously, 75% of people raised their hands. Gotta go... will add more later...